Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron’s horoscopes
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June 29^th-July 5^th

The Leapers

Last week began with the Sun and Moon lined up across the earth from Pluto, foretelling a month permanent changes. Beheld by the mind’s eye, the many transformations settle into the symbolic form of a frog.

The frog is an ancient symbol associated with several goddesses. At the most primordial levels, goddesses rule the oceans and the earth. The Frog, an amphibian, straddles both, linking these key realms. The frog is a liminal creature, a steed for those between places, balancing the needs of the emotional ocean and the practical demands of the earth mother. The ability to navigate two realms is, perhaps, the most fundamental definition of the shaman, the wizard. Consistent with this theme, the best known goddess associated with the Frog is Hekt, the Egyptian lady of witchcraft who lent her name to the dark goddess of Greek myth, Hecate.

Death and birth are the greatest leaps, the greatest state changes that a human can encounter- the borders.  Thus the frog goddess is a goddess of death and birth, the liminal conditions of existence.

The frog’s power is not only to leap from one place to another, but also from one state to another.  It represents the quantum leap from one stage of development to another. A jump is necessary in order to continue.

These goddesses come to us in-between places, at crossroads, at the shifting boundary between sand and shore. They come to us with a retinue of fears, the terrors only unleashed when we become unstuck from our familiar homes. Hekt comes to offer us a ride on her frog, the animal spirit which does not walk or crawl from one place to another, but leaps, disappearing from one place and reappearing in another. Consider it the animal form of teleportation.

“Jump!”

This month brings us into contact with the old witch goddesses of the inbetween and offers us a ride on strange amphibian mounts. However, we may not be so sure about our salutatory ambitions before this week’s configurations unfold.

Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, Neptune and Uranus all line up in the 27^th degree of their occupied signs this week, creating a variety of important alignments.

Mercury and Venus are in separate spaces right now, each ensconced in their own domiciles. Venus sits happy in her Spring palace of Taurus and Mercury rides the wires in Gemini. However, each is struck by the same lightnings and visions this week, though from different angles.

Jupiter and Neptune in Aquarius provide the power of visionary dream, an image of the ideal life, while Uranus in Pisces sends of strokes of lightning out of the depths of the unconscious. The combination of Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune represents virtually all of the overtly spiritual planets of our system. Their energy bombards Mercury, our communications and thought patterns, and Venus, our interactions with other people, making for a potent week.  For those with whose antennae are tuned into subtle wavelengths, interesting experiences aplenty await you.

After being struck with lightning and being bathed in visions, Mercury makes his way out of Gemini and into Cancer on Friday. Here, the messenger puts on waders and heads out to the swamp, where he’ll begin fishing silently for insights at the pond where the frog waits.

Some of us gaze uncertainly at the abyss across which the frog promises to take us. The powerful energies intermingling with the mundane mind and common feelings this week may yet reveal a plan of which this crossing is but a piece. Is your lily pad sinking?

Horoscopes: June 29^th-July 5^th

Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. In order to sharpen the accuracy of the horoscopes, read your Sun Sign if you were born in the day-time, and read your Moon Sign if you were born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is also advised.

For information on where the Ascendant and Moon are in your natal chart, check out the accurate, free, chart calculation programs at astro.com and khaldea.com.

Aries: The Ram

You look across a river, unable to progress beyond its thronging flow. The frog beside you whispers that it can take you across. But you live here, on this side of the river, and a leap over may mean it is impossible to return. The time for gradual growth has passed. A number of important messages, realizations and emotional states wait for you this week. They are there to deliver you the information and contacts you need to make it to the other side.

Taurus: The Bull

The leap you seek is only across the pond, though you’ve likely grown rather attached to the little lily on which you sit. However, this little leap may be contrary to bigger professional dreams you’ve been nursing. A number of factors conspire to create a net for this not-so-high wire act.

Gemini: The Twins

The little leap implied by this month’s events focuses on your ability to take in and hold energy. On a mundane level, it will likely concern finances. You’re being being asked to jump away from what you have, and towards a collective hoard.  If your hands are full, nobody can give you presents. Mercury is in your sign and powerful until the weekend. Make use of your ability to make connections before it fades.

Cancer:  The Crab

The leap you’re being asked to make is essentially a personal one. The farther shore is not a different place, but the same one, transfigured by a new awareness. This week will highlight the emotional connections there to assure you that you will not be alone on the other side.  Planetary events also indicate a series of insights about yourself that make the leap not only necessary, but desirable. Good luck.

Leo:  The Lion

The leap the world is begin to push you towards is across an old and very personal chasm- one you’ve likely tried to forget. When the frog is loaded down with passengers, it will hop of your subconscious, delivering old and new thoughts you’ve have to find a place for. Professional relationships and useful contacts are a likely source of powerful surprises this week.

Virgo: The Virgin

The leap you’re being pushed toward concerns your vision of an ideal life. After getting comfortable enough to convince yourself that your ideal is identical to your circumstances, recent events have been making it increasingly clear that there’s an abyss of a difference between the two. Razor sharp and white hot thoughts this week will make the way clear, while the figure of desire dances slowly on the road.

Libra:  The Scales

The leap you’re being asked to make is a professional one. By letting go of the safety of the area you’ve been, you’ll be able to teleport to a dramatically better professional place. Retaining too much of anything is bad for the thighs, and information and talent is no exception.  Let go and let it flow.  Expect overstimulation for the first few days of the week as the ideas all click into place.

Scorpio: The Scorpion and the Frog

The chasm you consider as you’re prompted to leap is likely of one of two types. It may pertain to your view of the world, and the leap may well concern a quantum jump to a new paradigm. You may also be considering a leap from your current lily pad to a place far away. An overabundance of communication about other people’s affairs and a highlighted lovelife this week help make the outline of these urge clear.

Sagittarius: The Frog-Taur

The particular leap you’re poised to make is across the chasm of what is yours and what is others’. A hop from old patterns of entanglement to new. Clear communication within relationships spiced with a few surprise confessions will help to make these issues easier to understand.

Capricorn: The Sea Goat

The legless sea goat is poised to leap to a new place in relationships. The emotional imprints of negative events you’ve retained have been holding you in an unpleasant pattern.  One which you’re almost ready to catch a ride out of. The week is otherwise busy, with surprise work likely and good times aplenty.

Aquarius: Clouds Carry Water

The week begins with a flurry of thoughts and communications. Meanwhile, a part of your is getting ready to leap to a new pattern of self cultivation. A review of ingrained habits is likely to lead to a new level of life-care. Making the leap will put you in a state that is much easier on both the finances and the body. The mobile energy of the first half of the week carries you to a number of key feelings and communications which help clarify the changes you can make.

Pisces: The Fish

The chasm that the frog offers to jump you across is the one between yourself and the lifestyle you desire. Conversations surrounding your living situation and growing connections with those around you help highlight what you’ll find on the other side.

COPYRIGHT ABYSSAL EPISTLES 2009

Sol in Cancer, Luna in Libra

Round 2: Back in LA

Everyone’s favorite misfortune-teller has returned to Los Angeles after a jaunt up and down the coast. Residents of the smoggy city interested in readings should email the Baron at xroadsconsultations@gmail.com asap to secure a spot. Services and prices can be found here.

Yes Virgina, there are really are fortune telling gypsies.  The Baron will roll into LA with a pack of worn Tarot cards and a sardonic grin on June 10^th, with plans to stay until the 20^th.  Residents of the smoggy city interested in readings should email the Baron at xroadsconsultations@gmail.com asap to secure a spot.  A description of prices and services can be found here.

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics confirm this. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron’s horoscopes.

The week opens with it a flurry of activity and adjustments, but closes on a more peaceable note, as Venus joins Mars in Taurus. The chaos breeding within the week is due to a particularly dramatic Full Moon in Sagittarius, on Sunday. This week marks a last hurrah at the crossroads of chaos as we transition into a more peaceable season.

The Portable Kama Sutra

The week dawns on Mars freshly into Taurus, with Venus to follow by Saturday. Mars and Venus have been together in Aries for the last month, overheating passions aplenty. The entry of Mars and then Venus into Taurus should lower the temperature considerably. In Aries, the firey, passionate, and separating energy of Mars dominates the pairing, while in Taurus the cool and coherent hold of Venus is strong. The two share Taurus for the next month, and will do provide a much needed stabilizing counterpoint to the current situation.
Although Mars has already made the transition, and Venus follows this weekend, the pair’s brand new digs will probably not have a significant effect until next week. The real story for this stretch of time is the rather complicated Full Moon this Sunday.

Cross Roads, Hairs and Purposes

As the Sun moves deeply into its square with Saturn, the Moon waxes full. The Full Moon in Sagittarius this Sunday will be particularly powerful. The monthly opposition between the Sun and the Moon (the Full Moon) is crossed by the opposition of Saturn and Uranus, creating a crosshairs of of planetary activity. Or, as the astrologers call it, a “Grand Cross.” The Sun, Moon, Saturn and Uranus all came into the same configuration last December. It went a little something like this…

Enter The Centrifuge (December 2008)

The energy of the grand cross which whose shadow sits atop this week is both tense and intense. The planet’s hard angles to each other permits the generation of a powerful charge, but not its release. This concentrates the energy of the planets involved, and tries to condense them. What results is a situation that could be called ‘mandatory alchemy,’ by which the Baron means that it becomes necessary/crucial to combine divergent energies into a unified whole. This sounds lovely and transcendent. However, the reality of the situation is often quite unpleasant, as it involves reconciling not only one, but 2 pairs of opposites.

Owing to the zodiac’s construction, a grand cross always involves at least one planet in a sign of each element. Thus we are forced to contend with the planets operating in all 4 elements at the same time, each tugging on one to deal with the situation in the manner characteristic of the element. In the Western esoteric tradition, the 4 elements refer to the 4 primary building blocks of both subjective and objective reality. The tension between these modes creates a temporary inability to manifest, wherein energy accumulates and intensifies, and then a subsequent release period where big changes happen very quickly.

In the grand alchemical tradition of understanding subtle processes in the terms of analogous physical ones, the grand cross is perhaps best symbolized by a centrifuge. For those unfamiliar with the apparatus, a centrifuge is a spinning wheel used in chemical operations to separate heavier and lighter components from one another. It is a tool whose explicit function is to separate the subtle from the gross. The old alchemists would have loved that. Too bad they missed out.

The centrifuge uses the whirling to generate the desired amount of centrifugal force, which pulls harder on the denser, heavier elements in the solutions upon which it acts. In doing so, it pulls apart the different components of a solution, separating the subtle from the gross. This is the power of the grand cross. It cranks up the velocity of the wheel of fortune to the point where it causes a forcible separation between the gross and the subtle in our lives. The reaction to the experience of a grand cross is highly dependent on whether we identify with the subtle or gross elements being spun. If we cling to the heavier elements, we are quite likely to be flung outwards and find a set of impossible contradictions. If we hold to what is both subtle and essential, we may manage to stay at the eye of the storm, and avoid the worst of being whirled about. As suggested by the (al)chemical metaphor, the process leaves us different than it began. It refines and isolates what is essential. Not only that, but what is left may allow for newfound and profound synthesis between previously conflicting areas of life.

Horoscopes: June 1st-7th

Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. In order to sharpen the accuracy of the horoscopes, read your Sun Sign if you were born in the day-time, and read your Moon Sign if you were born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is also advised. For information on where the Ascendant and Moon are in your natal chart, check out the accurate, free, chart calculation programs at astro.com and khaldea.com

Aries: The Ram

Mars’ entrance into Taurus turns down your internal thermostat considerably. Venus will, at long last, cross out of your Sign and enter the relatively peaceable pastures of Taurus for the next month, marking the end of a long period of emotional overstimulation.
The grand cross formed by the Full Moon this week whips up events all around you, counter pointing travel plans, local neighborhoods, practical delays and surprises.

Taurus: The Bull

Mars’ entrance into your sign kindles fires on a few small conflicts and will likely keep you busier than normal. Endure the frictions that emerge over as the Grand Cross formed by the Full Moon stirs the pot a bit too vigorously. By week’s end Venus will join Mars in Taurus, setting the stage for a month of pleasurable frictions.

Gemini: The Twins

Mars’ entrance into Taurus shifts ambient conflicts into your blind spot, taking the tone down a notch, but setting you up for problems if you don’t remember to look over your shoulder. The Full Moon and its attendant grand cross likely marks a chaotic week. Venus’ entrance into Taurus at week’s end will shine a small, pleasant light into forgotten places, providing small solace toward the end of a difficult week.

Cancer: The Crab

The week opens on Mars freshly into Taurus, whicb may trigger small conflicts with friends and associates. By week’s end, Venus joins Mars, mellowing out the red planet and signifying benefits from others. The Grand cross formed by the Full Moon complicates things considerably, but only temporarily. Get through the hasty arrangements required and you’ll be fine.

Leo: The Lion

Mars’ entrance into Taurus marks the beginning of a busy month at work. When Venus joins Mars at the end of the week, the signature than will be with us for the next month to come will be complete. The combination of Mars and Venus in Taurus focuses the lens on important relationships in your professional life, and may well signify benefits therein.
The Grand Cross formed by the Full Moon this week signals small storms building around conflicts between available resources and important contacts. Although winds may cause a little wreckage, they will pass by week’s end. Float like a butterfly, bend like a reed.

Virgo: The Virgin

Mars’ recent ingress into Taurus may mark an itchiness to travel, as well as conflicts concerning your larger life direction. The Grand Cross formed by the Full Moon this week concerns you directly, bringing up serious questions combining you, your living situation, career direction and relationships. Although the storm may be fierce, by week’s end Venus will arrive in Taurus, providing a measure relief and stability in weeks to come.

Libra: The Scales

Mars’ entrance into Taurus begins to turn the heat down on personal relationships, a knob twist that will be complete by the time Venus enters Taurus at week’s end. Mars and Venus’ copresence in Taurus will light up and eventually bring some harmony to conflicts over shared resources activated over the last few months.
The Grand Cross formed by the Full Moon on Sunday sends things spinning around the periphery of your life. Its a lot to balance on a single pair of scales. Don’t take on more than you have to.

Scorpio: The Scorpion

Mars’ entrance into Taurus brings a little friction and vigor to your social life. Venus follows by the week’s end, lighting up your social sector for the month to come. The Mars Venus conjunction later in the month rates rather highly on the booty index.
The Grand Cross formed by the Full Moon this Sunday stirs the pot, likely causing hurried arrangements surrounding social contacts and shared resources.

Sagittarius: The Archer

Mars’ movement out of Aries last week tones down the activity level quite a bit, shifting your attention instead to small details that need attending to. When Venus joins Taurus at the week’s end, it should help smooth out any irritated nerve endings and scorched checkbooks.
The Full Moon and its attendant Grand Cross this Sunday targets you directly. Expect to wrangle a number of conflicting factors into a manageable form.

Capricorn: The Capricorn

Mars’ recent movement into Taurus ignites long term drive and may signal trips, as well. Venus will join Mars by the week’s end, steadying your outlook and direction after a week between the Full Moon’s crosshairs. Keep as much of the emergent chaos of the week on the periphery, where it belongs.

Aquarius: The Water Bearer

The movement of Mars and then Venus into Taurus signals an important shift of energy into your living space. Finding harmony within the conflicts present there will be a focus that will run throughout the rest of June. The complications surrounding the Full Moon this week likely present a tangle involving whats yours and what ain’t. Avoid more tug of war than you can handle.

Pisces: The Fish

A complicated Full Moon ensnares you this week, asking you to sort out home, career, self and partner issues simultaneously. Although intense, the storm will pass swiftly, with Venus’ pleasant move into Taurus closing out the week. With both Mars and Venus in Taurus by week’s end and for the month to come, good times are likely to follow. Solve the rubix cube presented and happier times will follow.

Consultation Services: If you’d like a personal consultation with the monkey behind the mask, you can get ahold of the Baron’s mortal vehicle at xroadsconsultations@gmail.com.

COPYRIGHT ABYSSAL EPISTLES 2009

Sol in Gemini, Luna in Scorpio

A busy weekend left the Baron without the time or mental energy to pen a column.

Mercury’s direct station and subsequent resumption of forward motion waits for you this weekend, sprinkling the week with important communications.  Enjoy the ride as the swift planet changes gears.

-B

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron’s horoscopes.

Astrology: May 18^th-24^th

Dream the Cure

The week begins with retrograde Mercury’s conjunction with the Sun in late Taurus, highlighting the heart of communication issues and throwing light on the character of the coming months.  Then, on Wednesday, the Sun leaves Taurus’ pasture behind for the internetz of Gemini.  By mid-week Venus finally leaves the set of degrees she’s been stuck in for the last 3 ½ months, and prompting people to begin moving on from the drama-storms that so ravaged the mindscape this Winter and Spring.

Mercury Retrograde Conjunct The Sun in Taurus

This conjunction concentrates communications on the heart of whatever Gordian knot Mercury’s retrograde has found you fumbling with.  This configuration is especially interesting because it aspects the conjunction of Jupiter, Neptune and the planetoid Chiron quite tightly.  The Sun and Mercury’s conjunction is an important, but not uncommon, event that occurs within every Mercury retrograde cycle.  It brings problems into focus.  The Jupiter-Neptune-Chiron conjunction is, on the other hand, quite unusual.  While the Sun-Mercury conjunction will pass swiftly, the Jupiter-Neptune-Chiron conjunction will hold together for the next several months, providing an important part of the season’s energetic backdrop.

Can You Smell What The Water-Bearer Is Cookin?

The conjunction of Jupiter, Neptune and Chiron in Aquarius, much like the roving Mars-Venus conjunction, is one of the configurations that characterizes the next couple months.  The planets will occupy almost the same slice of the sky until early Summer.

Jupiter, the planet of philosophy, big ideas and growth, conjoins Neptune, the planet of huge ideas, pure fantasy and mysticism in Aquarius, the sign of objective self awareness and macro-analysis.   The combined streams of Jupiter and Neptune mix to form a heady psychotropic brew.  Visions of possible futures weave in and out of the steam rising from the Water Bearer’s cauldron.  Chiron adds blood from old wounds to the potion, and demands the visionary trip be a healing journey.

Dreaming The Future, Fixing The Present

When a person was sick, some native American tribes would have them search their dreams for a cure.  This is exactly what the Jupiter-Neptune-Chiron conjunction calls for, on both a collective and personal level.  You may sleep to dream the cure, but end up distracted by the scenery of the spirit world.  This configuration promises an interesting set of visions are there for those who choose to quaff the dreamy brew of planetary energies.  The following is a brief survey of the landscapes, pathways and distractions likely to emerge under the auspices of the multi-month Jupiter-Neptune-Chiron conjunction.

The mind will likely to be drawn to discourses outside the ordinary.  Alternative history, conspiracy theory, UFO-ology, occultism, astrology and more are all likely to have a more powerful draw during the coming months.  It’s an excellent time to get your woo-woo on, but the same influence that makes it easier to enter deeply into these frameworks also makes people more gullible.  Suspend your disbelief, don’t leave it in a gutter bleeding.  You’ll probably need it again someday.  Never underestimate the practicality of negative thinking.

Within political and economic arenas, we’re likely to see futuristic and bold agendas emerge into the limelight.  Electric cars, clean power, world peace; courageous schemes and addled dreams will all get their share of the dialogue in the months to come.  One interesting example is Barack Obama’s Monday meeting with Israel’s Prime Minister, Benyamin Netanyahu.  The rhetoric spun out from this palaver not only included possible peace between Israelis and Palestinians, but Netanyahu also extended his ambitions to peace within the entire Middle East.  Deluded and ambitious dreams of old wounds healed and utopia achieved?  Check.

Within the sphere of entertainment the conjunction stimulates interest in science fiction, utopia/dystopia, as well as anything with a labyrinthine intellectual component.  A quick glance at the movie theater reveals that these themes will be in full force over the coming months.  Star Trek is currently huge at the box office, with Terminator: Salvation and Transformers to follow later in the season.  Also opening big is Angels and Demons, whose abundance of code, conspiracy and the reconciliation of religion and science have all the makings of an Aquarian wet dream.

On a personal level, this one is likely to have widely varied effects.  Some will have truly powerful, mystical experiences, while others will find that the rabbit hole leads to batshit crazy.  The truly visionary and completely delusional appear equally solid under the combined beams of Jupiter and Neptune.  It is a fine time to build castles of air, but the Baron would caution against moving into them right away.  Enjoy.

Horoscopes: May 18^th-24^th

Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. In order to sharpen the accuracy of the horoscopes, read your Sun Sign if you were born in the day-time, and read your Moon Sign if you were born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is also advised.

For information on where the Ascendant and Moon are in your natal chart, check out the accurate, free, chart calculation programs at astro.com and khaldea.com.

Aries:  The Ram

The week begins with the Sun’s conjunction to a retrograde Mercury in Taurus, prompting a voyage into the knotty heart of communication issues surrounding your financial position.  These issues contrast with blooming opportunities and emerging dreams of a better life.  The Sun’s movement into Gemini shifts the spotlight to a changing web of local connections.  Finally, Venus’ movement out of her shadow in your sign sees you begin to break new emotional ground for the first time in months.  You’re emerging from the crucible of the past month’s lessons

Taurus:  The Bull

Happy birthday to the last of the Taurii.  For those born this week, the Sun’s conjunction with a retrograde Mercury is likely to hit home.  Take some time for personal reflection, or prepare to be taken by said reflections.  Big but elusive professional dreams call for changes in your self definition.   After that, the Sun moves on into Gemini, shifting the focus from you yourself to your financial status.

Gemini: The Twins

The week begins with the Sun’s conjunction with a retrograde Mercury in Taurus,  pulling you into a serious set of deep personal considerations where previously invisible parts of yourself and big ideas about travel and worldview compete.  On Wednesday the Sun moves into your Sign, announcing the first Gemini birthdays and shining the monthly spotlight in your general direction.  Happy birfday to the early Geminis.  May your blade be swift but your words swifter still.

Cancer:  The Crab

The week begins with the conjunction of the Sun in Taurus to a retrograde Mercury.  Key thoughts about what in fact your ideal life looks like are likely to occur.  Key communications with people in your network about securing needed but ephemeral resources are also suggested.  By Wednesday, the Sun’s chariot rolls into Gemini, which shifts the monthly focus to neglected communications and shut away thoughts.

Leo:  The Lion

The week begins with the conjunction of a retrograde Mercury and the Sun in late Taurus.  This meeting suggests a focus on key communications in your professional life, likely affected strongly by positive but ephemeral developments with significant people in your life.  By Wednesday the Sun rolls into Gemini, shifting the monthly focus to your network of connections, an area likely to be quite active over the coming months.

Virgo:  The Virgin

The week begins with the conjunction of the Sun and a retrograde Mercury at the end of Taurus.  Key thinking about life direction and possible travel plans takes place, with fuzzy financial factors likely interfering.  On Wednesday, the Sun rolls into Gemini, beginning a monthly focus on your professional life.  Changes aplenty abound in this area.  On Friday, your silhouette will appear on a flour tortilla.

Libra:  The Scales

The week opens on the conjunction of the Sun and a retrograde Mercury in late Taurus.  This configuration unveils a confusing knot of thoughts surrounding entanglements with other’s resources.  Positive but ephemeral possibilities hinge on these resource laden interconnections.  On Wednesday the Sun moves into Gemini, shifting the monthly emphasis to the forked roads that lie before you.  More on that to come.

Scorpio: The Scorpion

The week begins with the conjunction of the Sun and a retrograde Mercury in Taurus, signifying either important conversations or key thinking about relationship patterns.  This is especially true for those born in the last week of Scorpio.   On Wednesday, the Sun moves into Gemini, shining a light on linked resources that will brighten as coming weeks arrive.

Sagittarius: The Archer

The week begins with the conjunction of the Sun and a retrograde Mercury in Taurus, likely calling your attention to a set of expenses, duties or a health issue.  Something really fun.  The movement of the Sun into Gemini on Wednesday pulls the month’s solar focus to your close personal relationships.  A reconfiguration of your communication patterns is already underway in this area, but far from finished.

Capricorn:  The Goat Version of Mermaid

The week begins with the conjunction of a retrograde Mercury and the Sun in Taurus, outlining plans for long distance travel as well as serious considerations of life direction.  Ephemeral finances weigh heavily on prospective directions.   On Wednesday the Sun moves into Gemini, shifting the monthly focus to a number of uncertain details which need to be wrangled before larger plans can proceed.

Aquarius:  The Water Bearer

The week begins with the conjunction of retrograde Mercury and the Sun in Taurus, bringing issues surrounding your living situation into sharp relief.  You may be getting too big for your house.  On Wednesday, the Sun moves into Gemini, shifting the month’s focus to your life’s greater direction, an area you’ll be thinking and rethinking in the weeks to come.

Pisces: The Fish

The week begins with the conjunction of a retrograde Mercury and the Sun in late Taurus.  This configuration highlights important local communications, and may open your eyes to forgotten opportunities.  On Wednesday, the Sun moves into Gemini, beginning a month long focus on the changes surrounding your living situation.

Donations: Toss a dollar in the Baron’s hat!  Send paypal donations to bsvcphd@yahoo.com.   Spiffy magic internet button coming soon.

Astrology Services: May Special

The Baron has decided to extend his April discounts on services throughout the month of May!  Get the most for the least while you can.

Email xroadsconsultations@gmail.com to set up an appointment or sign up for class. All consultations backed by a full refund policy.

Standard Readings: $10 off
Normally $75, Now $65
Consultation Details

Monthly Classes: $10 off
Normally $75, Now $65
Class Details

COPYRIGHT ABYSSAL EPISTLES 2009

Sol in Taurus, Luna in Pisces

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron’s horoscopes.

Astrology: May 11th-17th

Saturn Speaks In Tongues

This week watches Mercury works his way backward into Taurus while Saturn stations direct in Virgo, outlining plans for forward movement but finding the details hard to come by.   Meanwhile, Venus slowly emerges from her shadow, adding a sense of renewal to the sober outlines of the present.

Return To Sender

Mercury turned retrograde last week in the 3^rd degree of Gemini.  The swift Planet will back it up through Gemini, and then re-enter Taurus on Thursday ,the 14^th.  This is just days before Saturn ceases his slow retrograde grind at 15 Virgo on the 16^th.   Mercury will continue backward through the sky until he reaches the 23rd degree of Taurus, on the 30^th of May.  This particular Mercury retrograde, as some do, spans the degrees of 2 different signs, in this case Gemini and Taurus.  When a Mercury retrograde spans 2 signs, it indicates that issues in one area of life are linked to and often caused by seemingly unrelated issues in another.  Such is the case.  In this instance, Mercury going retrograde in Gemini indicates relatively straightforward communication problems involving cluttered thinking, and decisions choked by too many options.   As Mercury makes his way back into Taurus (May 14^th), we will see that the splay of options presented must simplified by what is sustainable, grounded and practical.  The details and circumstances will vary widely, but most cases will follow along these lines.   So settle in.  See if you can decipher the words when the record is played in reverse.

Hell’s Own Accountant

As mentioned in the section above, Saturn is about to station direct after several long months in reverse.  Retrograde since just after Christmas, the ringed (bladed?) planet’s backward march has uncovered a wide variety of small changes necessary to adapt to the current situation.  Saturn’s resumption of direct movement prompts grim Saturn in Virgo to stand up and announce that it is time to move forward.  This means facing facts, and accepting responsibility.  You may wiggle around this point, but it means delaying the inevitable.  Think of Saturn as a bill collector, both literally and karmically.

This reckoning is, however, prone to technical error.    In Virgo, Saturn processes and designs rules based on the information fed to him by Mercury.  Mercury, currently retrograde, has wires to uncross and facts to get straight before new, responsible strategies will be able to make a meaningful difference.  This means that although the impetus to move forward in a thrifty and intelligent manner will bloom with Saturn’s station this Saturday, there are likely to be delays as well as mishaps.   Expect to run the gauntlet in order to get everything ship shape.

All of the above is doubly important for those Virgos born around September 5^th and Pisces born near March 5^th.  You have the dubious duty of being the apple of Saturn’s petrifying eye this time.

Great Expectations

Saturn’s direct station is greeted with a round of hopeful blurbs about the economy’s forward motion.  Slowing unemployment, rising house sales and other factoids fuel hopes that the adaptations the world has made since Saturn turned retrograde at Christmas have been effective in counterpointing the crisis.  Astrologically, there is more to the crisis than Saturn moving retrograde through Virgo.  The crux of the collapse came last Fall when Saturn in Virgo opposed Uranus in Pisces and intensified during the Winter when Saturn opposed Uranus once again.  These oppositions triggered situations that changed far too rapidly for the world to adapt to.  Since the last opposition, Saturn and Uranus have separated by over 10 degrees.  But Saturn’s resumption of direct motion sets the countdown to another clash between the two planets.  In fact, Saturn and Uranus will oppose another 3  times.  Once in September of 2009, and then in April and finally in July of 2010.  We’re less than halfway through the clashing rocks, kids.  Things are no longer in total free fall, but we’ve yet to adjust to the brutal circumstances the world has been dumped into.  Low or no growth, high unemployment, and less to go around will take a slow, brutal toll.  Welcome to economic winter.

And For The Lady…

All the while, Venus creeps slowly out of the shadow of her retrograde.  Although Venus turned direct over 2 weeks ago, she has since then only worked her way through the same degrees she retrograded through.  She will not make it to fresh territory until May 21st.  The emotional debris of her retrograde form the eggshell she must pick through in order to fully emerge from this period.  For many this debris are broken relationships or those in the midst of important, and possibly wrenching, changes.  Behind the hope and panic of the present, we are emerging into a new emotional cycle, with a focus on independence.  Things are different.  Take a second to feel it, even if it doesn’t yet make sense.

Horoscopes: May 11^th-17^th

Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. In order to sharpen the accuracy of the horoscopes, read your Sun Sign if you were born in the day-time, and read your Moon Sign if you were born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is also advised.

For information on where the Ascendant and Moon are in your natal chart, check out the accurate, free, chart calculation programs at astro.com and khaldea.com.

Aries:  The Ram

Mercury’s retrograde station last week likely signaled the onslaught of a variety of local errands.  As Mercury retreats into Taurus on Thursday, it will be the matter of the financial balance between out and influx that Mercury will be most interested in calling your attention to.  The Saturn station on Saturday will likely ring with demands you examine your work and health situation.  Take care of yourself.  The last months have been hectic, and although you’re likely feeling better, the current influences can easily lead you to burn out.

Taurus:  The Bull

Mercury’s retrograde began in Gemini, and during its first phase in the sign of the Twins, it likely signals a reversal in financial matters, a changed arrangement of influx and outflow.  When Mercury re-enters Taurus on Thursday, the reorganization moves to the sphere of identity, where the changing arrangements will impact how you see and define yourself.  This is especially true of those Taureans born this week.  You’ll be treated to a direct pass of Mercury over your natal Sun.  Saturn stations direct on Saturday appearing with demands that you use your free time more efficiently and frugally.

Gemini: The Twins

Mercury’s gone retrograde in your very own sign, but the messenger only made it to the 3^rd degree before making an about-face.  This means only the May Gemini’s are feeling the true wrath of the retrograde station fully, while the rest of the Geminis will merely be buffeted by strong prevailing mental winds.  Of change.  The first phase of the retrograde, with Mercury in Gemini, sees your thinking expand and then blur, only to backtrack into (intentionally?) forgotten territory when Mercury enters Taurus on Thursday.  Saturn’s direct station this Saturday makes the limitations and rules of your current living situation clear.

Cancer:  The Crab

Mercury’s retrograde has begun in Gemini.  In this first phase of the retrograde, Mercury is likely to stir up forgotten problems, bringing up old shit, as the kids say.  The next phase, when Mercury re-enters Taurus on Thursday, will shift concerns and communications to your wider social web, likely linking to friendships and contacts.  Saturn’s direct station on Saturday will likely emerge as a number of necessary but short errands.  There is a tendency towards depressive thinking that accompanies this influence.  Don’t fret.  Just make the connections that must be made.

Leo:  The Lion

Mercury’s retrograde through the early degrees of Gemini has likely seen changes in your web of friends and associates.  There may be too many voices in your ear, interfering with you ability to make decisions.   When Mercury leaves Gemini in order to re-enter Taurus on Thursday, the reorganization will likely sweep into your professional life.  Weigh plans carefully before committing wholly to a new direction.  Saturn’s direction station on Saturday likely marks a point from which you are ready to move forward in the face of diminished resources.  Plans to liposuck the fat from your budget are hereby approved.

Virgo:  The Virgin

Mercury’s retrograde station last week in Gemini likely signaled a turnabout in professional affairs.  Multiple options likely compete with one another, complicating decisions.  As Mercury slips back into Taurus, multipronged decisions are likely to dissolve into larger questions of long term direction and worldview.  Saturn’s direct station on Saturday has the Virgins squarely within its sights.  It likely marks a point where you are ready to face the burden of greater personal responsibility within your life, as well as confront consequences for past failures.  Don’t try and dodge it.  It’s good for you.  It builds character.

Libra:  The Scales

Mercury went retrograde in Gemini last week, likely bringing up serious questions about life direction.  The addition of extra options interferes with clean decision making.  You will come closer to the answer as Mercury re-enters Taurus, where the subject of the questions posed shifts to resources, both others and your own.   Your direction cannot be disentangled from other’s resources, and so clarity about what resources you have to draw on is necessary before you can move forward.  Saturn’s direct station on Saturday will bring with it a growing sense of responsibility for things you’ve let slide from your mind’s eye in the past.

Scorpio:  The Scorpion

Mercury’s retrograde station in Gemini last week likely signaled a complication in regard to other’s resources.  Something not communicated correctly, perhaps, preventing you from being able to move forward.  As Mercury backs out of Gemini and re emerges into Taurus, the re-arrangements suggested by the retrograde shift to the realm of relationships. The pattern of communications is likely key.  Saturn’s direct station on Saturday may hail forward movement on a side project, or a sense of heightened responsibility toward a friend.

Sagittarius:   The Centaurcher

Mercury’s retrograde station in Gemini last week signaled a challenge to communication patterns within your significant relationships.  What has not been said likely hovers as an uninvited guest, making  conversation tense.  As Mercury makes his way back to Taurus, communication dynamics give way to a fact and fault finding review of the situation.  Saturn’s direct station on Saturday resonates throughout your career, likely heralding a new set of responsibilities.

Capricorn:  The Goat

Mercury’s turn retrograde in Gemini last week likely signaled a twist regarding financial and physical details.  As Mercury continues its retreat into Taurus, the thinking planet will likely see you revisiting creative concepts and process from another angle.  For those Capricorns who have seen fit to breed, it may signify a change in communication dynamics with their spawn.  Saturn’s direct station on Saturday is a fine omen for the goat-born, and will help crystallize your insight into the path you’re on.

Aquarius:  The Water Bearer

Mercury’s turn retrograde in Gemini last week likely signaled a sharp turn in your thinking about what you create, and as it enters Taurus on Thursday, this thought process will work its way to your living situation, where you will consider your living situation.  Saturn’s direct station on Saturday lays out a fresh set of rules surrounding the exchange of resources between yourself and others.

Pisces:  The Fish

Mercury’s retrograde station in Gemini last week has likely seen you rethinking your living situation.  Multiple options may confuse your thinking.  As Mercury moves back across the border into Taurus on the 14^th, the focus shifts to a variety of errands and local communications you need to make.   Saturn’s direct station on Saturday is likely to lay down some heavy conversation between you and your partner, if you have one.  Regardless of your relationship status, expect to take a sobering inventory of things.

Donations: The Baron is a free, public service.  Not only that, the Baron is NOT a commercial piece of shit designed to anesthetize you.  Which is kind of nice.  If you’d like to support this kind of work, or if you’ve ever been (inappropriately) touched by the Baron, please put your wallet where your gratitude is.   Send paypal donations to bsvcphd@yahoo.com.   Spiffy magic internet button coming soon.

Services:  Discount Retrograde!

The Baron has decided to extend his April discounts on services throughout the month of May!  Get the most for the least while you can.

Email xroadsconsultations@gmail.com to set up an appointment or sign up for class. All consultations backed by a no questions asked refund policy.

Standard Readings: $10 off
Normally $75, Now $65
Consultation Details

Monthly Classes: $10 off
Normally $75, Now $65
Class Details

COPYRIGHT ABYSSAL EPISTLES 2009

Sol in Taurus, Luna in Sagittarius

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron’s horoscopes.

27^th-3rd: The Devil and the Queen of Heaven

Strange configurations are brewing in the weeks to come. Another Mercury retrograde is right around the corner, as is Jupiter’s extended conjunction with Neptune, and Saturn’s direct station. But one element will stay steady behind these and other highlights: the moving conjunction of Venus and Mars.

We’ll deal with the disorienting effects of the coming Mercury retrograde next week, and the other exotic events in weeks to come, but the Baron would like to devote this week’s piece to the roving tantik convergence of Mars and Venus that will provide the background for the rest of the season.

Venus’ long retrograde is now behind us. Venus, once again in Aries, moves forward with Mars blazing a trail ahead of her. The two planets will travel in tandem for the next several months. This rare configuration will take them all the way through Aries and Taurus, and much of Gemini. It is rare that Mars and Venus move in lockstep, as Venus usually moves much faster than Mars. One quick conjunction, a nice breakfast, and she’s gone. But because Mars caught Venus at the very end of her retrograde, when she is slow and unsteady, he will be escorting her for months to come. In order to understand what this implies, let us take another tour through the mythologies of the relevant planets.

Crazy Aunt, Disobedient Daughter

In Greek myth, a distinction is made between two forms of Aphrodite/Venus. One is Aphrodite Ourania, the “celestial” Aphrodite, who represents love as a universal principle. The other is Aphrodite Pandemos, the Aphrodite of all people, who symbolizes affection and connection on the human level experienced daily. Not only divergent in sphere of rulership, the two sides of Aphrodite are given to different sets of parents. Aphrodite Ourania was said to be born from Ouranos’ (Uranus) castration by Kronus (Saturn), while Aphrodite Pandemos was born of a tryst between Zeus and the Titan Dione.

According to this divergent genealogy, Aphrodite Ourania is Zeus’ crazy aunt, while Aphrodite Pandemos is Zeus’ daughter. Age in mythology describes the principles represented by the deity in question. The Titans, some of the oldest creatures in Greek myth, represent the raw, uncontrolled power of reality’ building blocks. Earth, Sky, Time, Love, etc. The Olympians, on the other hand, represent the civilized and socialized form of these forces.

Aphrodite Ourania’s age suggests that she is a fundamental force, titanic in origin and scope. Venus/Aphrodite represents the connective principle, the temporary reconciliation of opposites in moments of affection. The Celestial Aphrodite represents this principle on a universal level. She is the great queen of heaven, who keeps the divergent forces of the unverse from tearing it apart. She creates love between electrons and protons by providing the neutron, she is the element in the heart of man that chains devils and angels to one another. She represents the affection between polarities at the deep level of the underlying structure of reality. In Kabbalistic terms, she is the symbol of Venus created by the entire Tree of Life. The reconciling principle that holds the entire structure together.

Aphrodite Pandemos, on the other hand, represents human experiences of affection and reconciliation. She is the celestial principle applied to very human, obvious situations. Although Aphrodite Ourania’s action is veiled, Aphrodite Pandemos’ affect is plain for all to see and experience. She is not the hidden emblem of Venus that it takes the entire Tree of Life to create, but is simply Netzach, the lowly sephiroth near the bottom of the chain of manifestation. Human and animal affection, attraction and reconciliation. But the blood of her great aunt flows through her veins, and her simple acts of friendship and sensuality are the doorway to universal dynamics.

Giving the Devil His Due

The brash god of war represents the principle of separation and conflict. As is fitting for a god of conflict, he was disliked and ostracized by the other members of his pantheon. In fact, Aphrodite was the only Olympian who could stand Ares. Well, she did more than stand him. They had a gaggle of bastard children together.

In Kabalah Mars is attributed to the sephiroth Geburah, the red sphere of separation, prism of differentiation and severing sword of mitosis. Within the Kabbalistic tradition, there are stories of the Fall that diverge from the one often told of Adam and Eve. In one of these stories, it was Geburah, the principle of separation and conflict, which was responsible. The principle of separation separated itself from the rest of the tree, the other principles of creation. Not exactly unpredictable. This principle of separation and conflict, Geburah, broken away from the tree, is the genesis of the devil himself, the original individualist.

This rather abstract envisioning of the Fall describes the situation of the Greek Ares/Roman Mars quite eloquently. The God of War is separated from and ostracized from this brothers, sisters and parents. The only reconciliation he found was with Aphrodite. She broke her marital vow to Haepheastus in order to conduct an ongoing affair with him (according to Aphrodite’s more ancient genealogical scheme, she predates Hera, the goddess of martial contracts anyway).

Here, Aphrodite as the reconciler echoes the tales Vedic sages and astrologers tell of Venus. They speak of Shukra. They envision Venus as male, but his role as reconciler is unchanged. One of Shukra’s most interesting roles is as the Daitya Guru, roughly, the “demon teacher.” He alone, of all saintly choir of gods, was able to reach out to the asura, the daitya, the rakshasa- the “demonic” spirits of the Vedic megapantheon. Although the world of Greek mythology does not have a clearly defined angel/demon polarity, it is no stretch to place blood-soaked Ares there.

Within Greek Myth, a higher, more fundamental form of Venus/Aphrodite is recognized: Aphrodite Ourania- the love between every particle that holds the world together. However, within the Hellenic framework, there is no Ares Ourania. The warrior who cuts the one into two is not honored by expanding his principle to a universal level, for it is a dangerous one. It is the principle of separation, of independence and individualization. It seeks a multiplicity of forms, and desires bloody competition between them all. This principle must always have one foot in the shadow of a society’s mythology. The organism of civilization is vulnerable to excessive individualization. The efforts and energies of the many are organized to create civilization’s great works. Too much individuality breaks apart the unity that a culture’s stories work to maintain. Even a martial civilization must extol connective virtues of honor and loyalty in order to prevent the energy of separation from dissolving it. Mars’ deepest resonance cannot be given its due, for to do so threatens the fabric of civilization.

One of the better approximation of Mars Ourania, “big Mars,” is the Western Satan. He is the fiery spirit that does not honor the whole. He would rather rule in hell than serve in heaven. He is the eternal antagonist in the ongoing battle within Christian theology. The West, however, has no Aphrodite to calm and reconnect him. There is no Queen of Heaven, no dancing honey-lipped Oshun or reconciling Shukra to draw this one back to fold. The Kabbalistic story of the Fall where Geburah/Mars separates from the whole and becomes the devil is part of the mythic history of the West. With totalitarian pro life angels running the great and secret show, life must be preserved at any cost, and even a hint of bloodshed must be rationalized and justified out of existence. Here the universal Mars principle masquerades as the Devil.

Doin It Well

The ongoing intercourse of Aphrodite Ourania and the “big Mars” is the principle at work behind the next few months. This roving union of Mars and Venus casts deep Tantric shadows. Not all stories of creation involve a Fall into ruin. Only those that make the error of assuming a perfect god. The tantric creation myth is simple sex. Perfection split into two and in order to fuck itself. The existing world is constantly generated by the primordial fucking of the God and Goddess. It does not have a reason any more than sex has a reason. We do not fuck to procreate. We procreate accidentally as a result of the single activity which needs no justification. And that, my friends, is why you will not find the reason it all went wrong, and you will not be able to fix it. Existence is the sexual tension between perfection and imperfection, connection and separation. And if it was resolved, the show would be over. It is the dance of the Two. And when the One cannot be spoken of, a vision of the tension between the Two is the surest route to understanding.

Bastards!

What springs from the union of Mars and Venus? This affair, though illicit, was far more fruitful than the lawful covenant of Aphrodite and Haephaestus. Who’d fuck Haephaestus anyway, the guy doesn’t even have his own planet. From the illicit union of Mars and Venus sprang several children, some favoring their father, and others their mother. Each, however, represents the fusion of Venusian affection and the Martial impetus toward conflict and action. Because we will be privy to months of Mars and Venus within kissing range, the world is quite likely to see the forces unleashed by their union. So let’s take a look at what we’re in for.

Double Trouble

Taking after their father, Phobos and Deimos accompanied their father to war. The boy’s names mean Fear (Phobos) and Dread (Deimos). Their chariots raced ahead of his when he rolled into battle, giving the cowardly heart attacks and wetting tunics far and wide. Although not honored with temples, it was common for Greek warriors to adorn their shields with the fearsome visage of Phobos or Deimos in order to plunge fear into hearts of those who dared stand against them. It is said that Heracles himself wore a shield with Phobos’ awful guise, and that Alexander the Great, before the fateful battle of Guagamela, made sacrifice to the dire brothers. His opponent, the self proclaimed god-king of Persia, Darius, fled from the battlefield, testifying to the efficacy of Alexander’s rites.

Although they seem mere repetitions of the martial principle, these boys are truly the children of Venus, for it is the emotion and feeling generated by war that they spread. Here the Venusian emphasis on art and aesthetics is turned to warlike purposes. Fear and Dread are emotions, not actions. One wonders what fear, what dread will be inspired as Mars and Venus walk through Aries. With a possible epidemic in Mexico, pirates off the coast of Africa, Pakistan losing ground to Jihadists, and Rush Limbaugh plain making shit up, it seems likely that the sons of Mars have plenty of work to do. But remember that Fear and Dread, once launched into the fray, have a momentum independent of reality. The smart warrior prayed for their favor, but never let them hold sway over his/her mind. Fear is the mindkiller…

We will likely see an increase in fearmongering and its effectiveness as Mars and Venus work their way through Aries, as the Sign favors Mars’ influence while minimizing Venus’.

The Good Girl

On the other hand, Venus and Mars also gave birth to even tempered Harmonia. Favoring her mother, Harmonia’s role was to bring connection to discordant elements. She is a goddess of mediation, of truce. Known as Concordia to the Romans, Harmonia brought exactly what her name implies- harmony and concord. Here separations find common ground, and people learn to coexist without agreement. In a world which has recently seen differences and disagreements widened by difficult economic times, one can only hope that Harmonia springs as readily from the union of Mars and Venus as her brothers Phobos and Deimos.

In all likelihood, the harmonizing influence of the Mars/Venus conjunction will not gain strength until the Mars and Venus enter Taurus in early June , as the Sign enhances Venus’ influence and diminishes Mars’.

Hotness

The single child of Ares and Aphrodite that partook fully of both parents’ power was Eros, the god of erotic, impassioned love. Our template for cupid, Eros’ bow and arrow had the power to enflame anyone, god or man, with consuming desire for carnal union. From his mother he drew the power of connection and affection, and from his father, the physical and passionate aspects, which when combined become the power of erotic love which he commanded.

The convergence of Mars and Venus in the modern mind means sex. And in the figure of Eros, this assumption is confirmed. The next couple months should see the heat turned up all round. If you find yourself in the midst of that particular flame, take a moment to remember the divine parents of your small biological union. Its nothing but a Tantric representation of the universe itself, fucking its way through another day.

Horoscopes: April 27^th-May 3^rd

Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. In order to sharpen the accuracy of the horoscopes, read your Sun Sign if you were born in the day-time, and read your Moon Sign if you were born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is also advised.

For information on where the Ascendant and Moon are in your natal chart, check out the accurate, free, chart calculation programs at astro.com and khaldea.com.

Aries: The Ram

Mars and Venus continue to rock their way through you Sign. Though you’ve likely felt your temperature rise a little with Mars’ ingress into your sign last week, you may not be able to really enjoy it until Venus works her way back through the area of your life she’s trashed over the last few months. Give it a week or so, and if by then you can’t hear the little red bird of rebirth, turn up the radio.

Taurus: The Bull

Happy Birthday to all the hefty quadrupeds out there! The Baron has a very special gift for you this year: Taco Salad. Why, you ask? Shhhhhh…don’t say another sweet word. The Baron knows what you need: Taco Salad.*

For the rest of the cows, the Baron brings tidings of peace and joy. And confusion and doom. Mars and Venus’ current run through Aries will see you frisky, but not necessarily centered. You’re coming out of the confusion that’s abounded over the last several weeks, but it’s a deep hole, and cows climb poorly. You’ll need to endure the coming Mercury retrograde in your sign and wait for the Mars and Venus conjunction to make it to your sign for things to move forward with certain force. Which won’t be for a while. So consider postponing your birthday a month or so.

*Taco Salad is capitalized for a reason. Why? Shhhh….

Gemini: The Twins

Dear Gemini, the movement of Mars and Venus through Aries means you will probably have sex with your friends. Don’t have any friends? Had your genitals removed? Well, it might also indicate furious social intercourse of a less explicit nature. Enjoy what you can, because Mercury is getting ready to go retrograde once more, and for most of you, that means bad decisions and broken brains.

Cancer: The Crab

Mars and Venus will be making sweet sweet love in Aries for the next weeks, and you’re likely to see their spawn swarming your career. You’ll have a little more pull and are likely to benefit from whatever magnetism you can muster in coming weeks. Polish your carapace and show those vertebrates what sex appeal is all about.

Leo: The Lion

Mars and Venus are making animal planet love in Aries this month. This delicious celestial friction may open up a route to further self knowledge through romantic encounter. Even if the configuration does not manifest in a physical partner, you’re still in position to benefit from considering the polarities present within your life. Put down that puritan perspective and hang a yin yang over your bed.

Virgo: The Virgin

The current configuration of the skies predisposes you toward tantric insights into the yin and yang dynamics occurring all around you. The Baron knows he’s been going on about invisible forces and similar shite for weeks now, but its what the planets have to say. It is not the Baron’s fault if the planets are boring and redundant. But seriously, consider the flow of energy and resources to and from you as you make your way through the coming weeks.

Libra: The Scales

Libra, you officially fair worst in the current weather. Although tantric conjunctions may appeal to Libra sensibilities, the pairing of planets in Aries is likely a little too harsh for you to be enjoying overmuch. There are separations that need to be made before the more glorious conjunctions that await.

Scorpio: The Scorpion

Scorpio, the current conjunction of Mars and Venus in Aries will likely focus your attention on health and monetary issues, which have likely been an issue over the last several weeks. The Baron sees regeneration of past problems, but it is the reconfiguration of your intimate social sphere that comes afterward the catches the monocled eye. Mars and Venus in Taurus- wait for it.

Sagittarius: The Archer

As Mars and Venus move through Aries, you’re likely beginning to feel more than a little frisky. As Venus reviews the terrain she once retrograded through with Mars leading the way, you’re likely to find new creative impulses stirring in your mighty horse loins. It’s time to move forward on new projects, even if they’re unfamiliar territory.

Capricorn: The Goat

Mars and Venus’ move through Aries invigorates your living space, bringing the necessary energy to remedy problems posed over previous weeks. The Baron can’t quite see what’s brewing beneath your feet, but there’s energy there, no doubt about it. In fact, there may well be more than you can handle.

Aquarius: The Water Bearer

Mars and Venus’ handholding journey through Aries is likely to turn up sexual tension while you make the rounds. Encounters with an unusual level of magnetism are more likely. Or it may be that everybody’s having an excellent time coupling except you. Regardless, you’d do well to take note of the effect pure magnetism has on casual social interaction over the coming weeks.

Pisces: The Fish

Mars and Venus burn their way through you bank account. There is work to do in finance land for Pisces, with outflows and influxes both accelerated over the coming weeks. Think of it as sex for your bank account.

April Services Special: The Planet-In-Chaos Discount

In the spirit of a swiftly tilting economy, the Baron is offering special discounts on consultations and classes this April. Navigate the mad turnings of fate and fortune with Astrology. Step into the calm eye of the storm. Better know yourself and the times. Email xroadsconsultations@gmail.com to set up an appointment or sign up for class. All consultations backed by a no questions asked refund policy.

Standard Readings: $10 off
Normally $75, Now $65
Consultation Details

Monthly Classes: $10 off
Normally $75, Now $65
Class Details

COPYRIGHT ABYSSAL EPISTLES 2009

Sol in Taurus, Luna in Gemini

Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron’s horoscopes.

Astrology April 20th-26th:

Field Surgery

As the week begins, the Sun enters Taurus. By the end of the week, the Moon catches the Sun in early Taurus, shifting the celestial limelight onto attempts to find stability amidst the dislocations of the last months. This will be a difficult job, and if held to ideal standards, an unsuccessful one. Venus, the planet responsible for coherence, is still at the bottom of her retrograde hole. Though she pulled out of her retrograde last week, its still a long hard road out. Miles of fences to mend and miles more to tear down for good. Many of the separations that have occurred during this period are meaningful and necessary. Attempts to return to business as usual will be ill fated.

The week is witness to a rare configuration. Venus, Mars and the Moon all conjoin in a single degree of the sky. The alignment between Venus and the Moon is so tight that the Moon will actually eclipse Venus for a short while. All this in the very degree that Venus stationed direct. Considering Venus’ central role in all that’s happened for months now, this is portentous indeed. This conjunction of Mars and Venus begins a several month period where the two will travel together, with Mars taking the lead until June. That the Moon highlights this configuration so blatantly reinforces its importance.

Shortly after this conjunction, the respective planets break for Aries. Mars enters Aries triumphantly on Wednesday, only to find his battlefield is full of slaughtered lovers and the confetti of broken contracts. Venus will follow on Friday, the 24th. Mars leads the way, performing a coup-de-grace on those connections best put down for good. Venus, a phoenix on her shoulder, follows, resurrecting what deserves another chance, and releases the spirits of the fallen that they may yet find new forms.

Venus’ retrograde has soaked up much of the coverage for the last couple months. All the while, Mercury has kept up a breakneck pace. Mercury slows this week as he enters the shadow of his next retrograde, set to break on May 6th. The time is as ripe as any for the racing mind to retrace its tracks for a few laps. There is a lot to think about.

Horoscopes: April 20th-26th

Note on Horoscopes: 12 Fold horoscopes are a way to assess the general condition of the splayed rays of the zodiac. Although not without value, they are a blunt tool, and can only describe the archetypal activity in each power-zone. In order to sharpen the accuracy of the horoscopes, read your Sun Sign if you were born in the day-time, and read your Moon Sign if you were born at night. Reading the Sign in which the Ascendant is placed is also advised.

For information on where the Ascendant and Moon are in your natal chart, check out the accurate, free, chart calculation programs at astro.com and khaldea.com.

Aries: The Ram

Mars enters your sign this week, flooding your floppy limbs with forgotten strength. The return of Mars to Aries is likely to boost the personal power the last few months has cast doubts on. Mars will be joined by Venus later in the week, and the two rock their way through your sign for the next several weeks. Please behave.

Taurus: The Bull

Happy birthday! The Baron salutes the cow-eyed as the Sun rolls into Taurus. Mars and Venus re-entry into Aries later in the week will bring your attention back to the nagging fires which you’ve likely neglected. A proactive tour through the least favorite part of the pasture is suggested. Taurii born in the middle of May would be wise to cock an eyebrow at the upcoming retrograde of Mercury in a few weeks.

Gemini: The Twins

The entry of the Sun into Taurus is likely to highlight neglected instabilities, likely surrounding cash flow. What is exposed will be reworked during Mercury’s May retrograde. Meanwhile, the Venus-Mars-Moon pileup in Pisces has something special to say about the career changes you’ve been considering. Following that, Mars and Venus’ re- entry into Aries augurs powerful energies at work in your web of contacts.

Cancer: The Crab

The Sun’s entry into Taurus lights up your larger web of friends and acquaintances. Meanwhile, the Mars-Venus-Moon pileup on Tuesday augurs a trip of some magnitude, either mental or physical. Mars and Venus’ subsequent re-entry into Aries will find you re-addressing ongoing changes in your praxis, most likely evident in your professional activities.

Leo: The Lion

The pileup of Mars-Venus-Moon in Pisces early in the week suggests an important event in your relationship to other people’s resources, most likely money. Meanwhile, the Sun’s entry into Taurus places an important spotlight on your professional activities. Mars and Venus’ re-entry into Aries brings you back to the ongoing changes to your perspective- with a vengeance.

Virgo: El Virgin

The pileup of planets in Pisces early in the week says some interesting things about your most important relationships. Meanwhile, the transition of the Sun into Taurus highlights your outlook, whose steadiness has been shaken by the events of past months. The re-entry of Mars and then Venus into Aries later in the week brings the fire to the lessons you’ve been learning about how to direct ambient energy in your life. A nice period for sorcery of all sorts.

Libra: The Scales

The Sun’s entry into Taurus shifts the spotlight to your reliance on other people’s resources. Meanwhile Mars and Venus’ re entry into Aries means that the fires that have erupted in your network of relationships will spring back to life.  The heat will cauterize the wounds on separations that must be made permanent while invigorating relationships that’ve passed through the fire.

Scorpio: The Scorpion

The Sun’s entry into Taurus shines a light on the stabilizing role of relationships in your life. The re-entry of Mars and Venus into Aries begins a period where you will revisit the state of your physical and fiscal health with renewed strength.

Sagittarius: The Sagittarius

The Sun’s movement into Taurus shifts the focus for you to a variety of mundane instabilities. Meanwhile, the re-entry of Mars and Venus into Aries will likely trigger an eruption of creative energies. Keep an eye on the collateral damage you cause as your fireballs bloom.

Capricorn: The Goat

The Sun’s entry into Taurus shifts the background to reflect a focus on what you have created. The changing emotional and financial undercurrents in your life have likely constrained your output for awhile. Mars and Venus’ re-entry into Aries will see fire flowers blooming around your foundations, and likely see a release of stifled creativity.

Aquarius: The Water Bearer

The Sun’s entry into Taurus shifts in focus toward your physical and emotional foundations. Like, say, your house. Meanwhile, Mars and Venus’ re-entry into Aries later in week brings you back to the peripheral problems that’ve been surrounding your situation for months now. A direct and proactive tour will likely see you sowing solutions as you go.

Pisces: The Fish

The week begins with the rare conjunction of Venus, Mars and the Moon in your sign. For those born just before the equinox, this may well augur important events, especially within relationships. The Sun’s entry into Taurus this week shifts the wide angle focus to your social periphery. As Mars and Venus re-enter Aries, you’ll likely be spurred to explore the edges of your social sphere for financial reasons.

April Services Special: The Planet-In-Chaos Discount:

In the spirit of a swiftly tilting economy, the Baron is offering special discounts on consultations and classes this April.  Navigate the mad turnings of fate and fortune with Astrology. Step into the calm eye of the storm. Better know yourself and the times. Email xroadsconsultations@gmail.com to set up an appointment or sign up for class. All consultations backed by a no questions asked refund policy.

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Solin Taurus, Luna in Pisces